All posts tagged gratitude

The Gifts of Grit and Gratitude

gifts

As the Holiday Season nears, there are two very special gifts that last, which parents can give their children long after the decorations come down and the parties come to a halt.

These gifts don’t fit under the tree or in a tiny box with a bow. These gifts cannot be exchanged or left in a closet to be forgotten until next year.

These gifts, which will last well into adult-hood, require no money, no hoopla, and no stress.

These gifts are the gifts of grit and gratitude.

Grit.

The gift of grit is given – not as a tangible item – but as an intentional space in which your child builds resiliency and adaptability, flexibility and independence. Grit manifests itself whenever you, the parent, choose to step outside of the situation and allows your child to make decisions, mistakes, guesses, efforts, messes and reach milestones that you have not interfered with or influenced.

When you choose to let go and allow your children to step into their lives and make the decisions and experience the consequences, realities and sometimes, uncomfortable responses to their actions and behaviors, then you, mom and dad, are giving the quality, long-lasting gift of grit, which they say, is the key to success. The temporary gifts of comfort, luxury, fixing and saving are the cheap gifts that break in ten minutes.

Don’t invest in those short-term solutions. Invest in the long lasting, feel good gift of grit. Why? Because nothing feels better than watching your child overcome a fear, surpass his own expectations or discover he can handle the problems life throws his way.

Gratitude.

This is the second gift we can all give our children. It’s a simple gesture that presents itself as a smile when our child walks in the room, an “I appreciate you for…” or an “I’m sorry for acting like…” whenever life gets busy or bustled. It’s a decision we make to notice our children as who they are TODAY instead of pushing them to be someone in the future. It’s the love we have for them when they are at their worst and the quick forgiveness we show because we appreciate them in our lives – warts and all.

Gratitude will bloom and the bouquet will decorate our children’s lives even after they have moved out of the house. They will go on to appreciate those around them and will notice the small things others do for them. In turn, they will continue to bring out smiles and to be there for those who need them. Gratitude says, thank you for being who you are — even when you’re whining. Gratitude is a choice to focus on the good things about your children because you’re glad they are here. Gratitude is the message that says, you bring a lot to this house and you’re a valuable part of this family and I don’t know what I’d do without you and all your brilliance around here.

So, remember these gifts during and after this holiday season, as both are gifts you can bust out EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Have a wonderful season of celebration with your families!
Vicki

Many Thanks

I receive many heartfelt and thoughtful thank you’s each week from parents whom I have worked with, or who have taken my class or read one of my books. The thank you’s come in all shapes and sizes and I love and appreciate each and every one of them. Being a parent is the most important thing in my life and helping others learn to parent from their best and foster deep connections with their children is what I am incredibly passionate about. So to hear that parents are having success with their journey, or that they have landed in a place of confidence, faith and connection with their children, means the world. Thank YOU for the thank you’s. xo V

Angelou

Vicki,

The conversations we have had have been such a blessing for me. I’d like to share some thoughts in hopes that my realizations and reflections might be helpful to another parent out there.

I’m at a point now in my parenting, where I can look back over past situations and mistakes that I have made with a much clearer understanding. Rather that dwell on guilt or shame around past parenting mistakes, I’m choosing to use it all as a learning experience so I can continue growing with each experience and be the best parent that I can be for my children. Yes, I’ve made mistakes, but recently I have had many more successes.

Through working with you and learning about your methods and philosophies, I am at a completely different place in my relationship with my children. I am now able to trust my gut. Trust myself. Trust my abilities and my judgement. And most importantly, trust my kids. There was a point where I made all the decisions for them, never asked for their input, didn’t consider their preferences or choices. Now, I trust their choices. Everything we do begins with a conversation so that everyone is heard and feels valuable to the group. No rules are set with out their input. I have a new found faith in my children that I don’t think I had before. I realize that the process is more important than the outcome  so rather than focusing on them doing something “right” or “just so” or how I would do it…I focus on their process, what they are learning, how they are growing, and sending them the message that I am right there with them and see them growing right before my eyes. Some small but powerful changes in my parenting have created a shift in our relationship that feels so much more connected, respectful, meaningful and long lasting.

I think these days I send the message to my kids that, we’re all in this together. You make mistakes, I make mistakes. As long as we have faith and willingness to own our mistakes and learn from them so we can try a different way next time. We’re a team now, and I can’t thank you enough for your support and help in getting us to this point.

Practicing Gratitude

gratitude

I believe this is the third or maybe fourth year that we have posted this story. The fifth grade student who orchestrated this scene below is now a senior in high school. You may have read this before, but we can never be reminded enough about the simple beauty of practicing gratitude.

“Thank you very much, thank you. Thank you very, very much.”

Those words were sung by the enthusiastic students at a recent assembly held at a local elementary school. The applause and appreciation were for the school’s longtime janitor.

At the assembly, a fifth grade student and the art teacher requested that the janitor come to the front of the room. I watched as this humble, gentle man, caught off guard by the request and the cheers from the students, was asked to remove his ball cap, which was replaced with a crown made of decorated construction paper. He was instructed to take a seat on a “throne,” reserved just for him.

He sat on his “throne” as poised and calm as anyone I have ever seen-looking out at all the children, teachers, and parents with complete admiration and appreciation for each and every one of them. There we stood, his audience, appreciating him, honoring him, & thanking him.

I see this man every morning, greeting the children as they arrive with a “Hey, you, how are you?” “Good morning!” or “Have a great day!”

Then he always turns to me and says “That’s why I do this, you know-those kids. It’s important they have a clean place to go to school and learn.” Maybe that’s why the kids wanted to appreciate him, because they can feel his heart in his work and in his commitment to them.

Friday those kids practiced the art of gratitude. They took the time to notice and appreciate a special person in their lives.

So the next time you find yourself feeling stressed or overwhelmed, find your child or another family member and say “Thank you for being you – just the way you are.”

Living our values, whether it be gratitude, respect, integrity, kindness or whatever rings most important to you, takes intention, commitment and practice.

As always, feel free to share ways that you have practiced living your values in your life.

Let’s All Get Along with Appreciations

appreciateA Podcast with Vicki Hoefle

In this conversation with Vicki Hoefle, we talk about appreciations.

Parents often ask, “How do I get my kids to be nice to each other?” or “How do I get my kids to stop fighting?”

The truth is whatever you are currently doing, probably stops the action and creates some sort of compliance – momentarily. Really parents want more than kids who just get along. Parents want kids who treat each other with respect, compassion, empathy and understanding.

Listen below and learn how to let your kids know how truly special they are to you.

Gratitude and Thanksgiving

This post started out as a simple list of all that I am grateful and thankful for, which seemed the perfect post for our weekly Newsletter which happens to fall on Thanksgiving Day.

162 entries later, I realize the folly in this exercise. This will never do. I can not complete this task. There is no end.

Alas, I did not throw my gratitude list away, but saved it in a folder to share with my family during our private feast on Thursday evening.

No Accident

I am participating in a course titled A Month of Self-Reflection and many of the exercises are creating a “space” for me to remember how much I am loved, supported and accepted in my life.

So on this Thanksgiving Day, I share one of my favorite poems with you.

This poem takes me back to a difficult time in my life, where I recognized that although there is pain, there is love, support, acceptance and comfort available in every moment.

This time is the moment when I knew that my life would be about living this and that all at the same time.

May you find much to be grateful and thankful for today, and always –Vicki.

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.

But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

— written by Max Ehrmann in the 1920s —