Duct Tape Parenting: A Less Is More Approach to Raising Respectful, Responsible, and Resilient Kids

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There’s a new set of 3Rs for our kids: respect, responsibility, and resilience to better prepare them for life in the real world.

Once developed, these skills let kids take charge, and let parents step back, to the benefit of all. Casting hover mothers and helicopter parents aside, Vicki Hoefle encourages a different, counter-intuitive yet much more effective approach: for parents to sit on their hands, stay on the sidelines, even if duct tape is required, so that the kids step up.

Duct Tape Parenting gives parents a new perspective on what it means to be effective, engaged parents and to enable kids to develop confidence through solving their own problems. This is not a book about the parenting strategy of the day what the author calls Post-It-Note Parenting but rather a relationship-based guide to span all ages and stages of development.

Witty, straight-shooting Hoefle addresses frustrated parents everywhere who are ready to raise confident, capable children to go out in the world.

Recent Review on Mamalode.

      “I am not, you know, a great believer in our style of parenting,” Jerry Seinfeld said to Jimmy Fallon on his recent Tonight Show appearance. “What I mean is you, me, anyone who has kids now, I just think we’re too into it.…when I think of the bedtime routine for my kids, it’s like this Royal-Carnation-Jubilee-Centennial of rinsing and plaque and dental appliances and the stuffed animal semicircle of emotional support…I gotta read eight different moron books. You know what my bedtime story was when I was a kid? Darkness!”

The style of parenting Seinfeld’s referring to is often called “over-parenting,” “helicopter parenting,” and now even “modern parenting.” It’s a style where parents aim for perfection in their kids’ personalities, looks, diets, talents, education, behaviors, and even their living spaces. It’s the style where, in extreme cases, parents go as far as buying a second home in the town of their child’s college in order to visit, meet with teachers, assist with paper writing, studying, and, of course, laundry.

Vicki Hoefle’s here to tell those parents to duct tape themselves to chairs. “Use as much tape as you need,” she writes “and tape as many body parts as you must to stay out, let go, stop from jumping in, sit back, keep quiet, and refrain from saving your child from discomfort.” Read full review.

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Five Stars on Amazon.com

 

 

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Praise from Fellow Professionals

“Parenting books are like diet books: They work for a while and then you’re back to blimpdom. Duct Tape seems like something else — an idea that’s workable for the long run, because, at base, it believes in the kids themselves.” – Lenore Skenazy, founder of the book and blog, Free-Range Kids

“Duct Tape Parenting is for every parent who’s grown tired of picking up after the kids, taming sibling squabbles, and doing all the work around the house. In an age of overly involved parents, Vicki Hoefle offers a battle cry of sanity. I read her book in one weekend, immediately put her wisdom to use, and saw results right away. I was stunned. If you want to change the dynamic in your household and nurture self-reliant, thoughtful, and resilient children, read this book.” – Katherine Ozment, contributing editor and weekly columnist for Boston Magazine.

“Vicki Hoefle is an important teacher in my life. As a father of ten, my only complaint is that I didn’t have the book years ago. DUCT TAPE PARENTING teaches us to focus on building the best relationship with our children. Though that could seem obvious – it isn’t, as demonstrated by the fact that most parents focus on stopping or compelling specific behaviors. We would never approach any adult relationship (read: respectful relationship) that way, focusing on changing specific behaviors. With adults, we seek to understand, experience, enjoy, support, and connect. Why not with children? While parents could offer a list of practical answers to that question (e.g., have to get out the door on time in the morning), Vicki isn’t at all ignoring the realities of life. In fact, this book is all about reality. What do we want at the end of the day: To be viewed by our kids as harried and unbending air traffic controllers, or as parents who developed a cooperative and respectful relationship? I know my answer, and I will be a better parent, husband, and man as a result of the wisdom and philosophy in DUCT TAPE PARENTING.” (Link to Amazon Review- Gavin de Becker, Author The Gift of Fear and Protecting the Gift

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Praise from Real Families

Changed all of our lives, for the better and better

Duct tape parenting is a wonderfully witty, common sense approach to raising our children. The emphasis on respect, tolerance and not taking yourself too seriously isincredibly empowering. I have been using this parenting approach since my children were 3 and 5 and guess what, we all enjoy each other on a daily basis! That doesn’t mean conflict and frustration don’t arise, they do, but we understand that we are a team…. read more 

Game-Changer

I have 3 children: 9, 7 and 4. My husband and I had NO IDEA how heavily we were controlling our children through nagging and micro-managing. After learning Vicki’s strategies, we realized that we were not setting our children up to own their own lives, to be happy & confident with who they are, and to have a long-lasting & loving relationship with us. It was tough to realize we had been way off track as parents. But Vicki’s lessons are so easy to understand and simple to implement, and you can immediately make a difference, and regain the relationship you want with your children and the strategies you want to help train them to be empowered & caring individuals. Read more…

Changed our lives!

We started following Vicki’s suggestions more than 7 years ago and they have changed our lives. Our children (now 12 & 14) are responsible, respectful and fun to be around. Several years ago, they were fighting with each other and my daughter ran up to me, looked me in the eye, stomped her foot and walked away. I asked her what she wanted and she said, “Nevermind, you’re not going to get in the middle of it anyway.” In that…Read More

Stick toitiveness wins the day!

Vicki’s insights, humor and common sense approach to raising self-reliant and resilient humans from children is brilliant, fun, and has helped me with catching and releasing four out of six children to date. I highly recommend her book and ideas. It is never easy to parent, and for these ideas to work, you must practice them, and keep on working and trusting. Read more…

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